Sunday, March 18, 2007


I am finally the adult I have fantasized I would always be. Well, just the adult part. I have not lead my life down the path I had planned for myself. Although, I am happy with the way things have turned out so far.
When I was fifteen years old I imagined myself as a college graduate, working for a big corporation on my way up the corporate ladder. I saw a corner office over looking the city, traveling around the world on the corporate jet. My goals seemed so obtainable and realistic at the time.
By the time I reached the age of seventeen, I was told by a school representative, I did not have what it takes to even get into college. Of course, without college I couldn't get the office, the traveling or the "life" I had dreamed about. I was devastated! Now what?! I felt I was too old to plan out another life for myself. I had spent so many years putting this plan together. In one short meeting my future was crushed, my ambitions for life were shattered.
Soon, I was eighteen years old and nowhere to go. I was still working at the grocery store and college was no longer an option. The way I saw it, this was my new pathetic life. I did not have "what it takes" to get the good life, so I was stuck in retail. At nineteen, I had to quit working for the grocery store and go to work at the ever promising "Do It Yourself" store. I thought maybe I could move my way up there.
If I would have had the common sense to tell this guy from the school, "You are wrong and I'll prove it!", I would have saved myself years of retail hell. Instead, I believed him and took it to heart and started to feel sorry for myself. I saw me the way he saw me. I made his opinion of me, my opinion. For years, I let this destroy who I was.
Not only did I feel I was not worth the best professionally, I also took this into my personal life. I dated and married men who were abusive, mentally and physically. I put myself through a lot of hard times because I listened to the wrong people. I once read in a book, that you will allow people to treat you as bad as you think you deserve it. That statement became very true for me.
For many years I became a lost individual. I didn't recognize who I was. From one relationship to the next, I kept telling myself this was all that life was going to offer me. Through all my heartache and suffering, the strong, confident little girl had turned into a weak bitter woman. I had no sense of being or self worth.
It is amazing how one simple sentence or phrase can be the beginning of some one's end. I was young and naive. I believed the adults around me knew what was right for me. I was taught that my superiors, my elders knew more and were going to guide me in the right direction.
Young, vibrant and full of dreams! Only to be destroyed by a simple phrase. It has been several years since I have talked to that counselor, but I found that strong, confident little girl and have turned her into a strong, confident woman! I now work for a new company that is promising to a great career. I may not travel world wide, or even nation wide, but what I do have is self esteem, confidence and pride. I also have my office. It does not look over a city, or the parking lot, but it's an office! The way I see it, you have to put your foot on the first step before you can reach the top of the ladder.

1 comment:

  1. Keep up the great work! No one should ever stay put where someone else put them.
    Your going to do great. Stupid people will always slip thru the cracks, so always question what has been said.